Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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