Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
