she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
