dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
