Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
