I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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