I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
