Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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