i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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