is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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