I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
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