my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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