I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
