For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
