I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
