I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
