I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
