I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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