I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
How external is "for external use only"?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
