It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
