Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
