A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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