Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
