I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
