you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
