we're making bets on your personal life
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
