why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
