i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
