You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Randomize
