saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
