This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Drunk is not a location!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
