there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
time to smoke my breakfast
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
