Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
