and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
