I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
