I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
