I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
