is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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