I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
