Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
