I must be too annoying 4 u.
She is in my trunk
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
