what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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