I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My pussy is not your playground.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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