you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
