I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
