Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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