just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
