Need sex. Gaining weight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
