Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
