he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
