How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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