i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
