That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
